So I've Had A Revelation...

As the dawn breaks and the screams of the seagulls echo in my ears; fills my soul a darkness, inspiring and beautiful. A book is placed in my wary hands, almost finished, but not quite. My mind is like a loaded gun, ready to fire, but uncertain. My fingers hesitate at the thought of not being able to write the sentences I laid my eyes on just a few pages ago. An untrustworthy what if is quivering in my mouth, left unsaid.

What if I cannot write those brilliant phrases? What if I'm not good enough? I finish it in my mind.

"You're right," a whisper breaks the chains of silence that terrorizes the break of day. "You can't write their phrases. With the words that wander in your head, waiting to help build a sentence, you shall write your own."

-

Thus ends the little paragraph I wrote to the walls of my mind ten minutes ago with literal seagulls outside of my window and the clock is about to hit 8 am. Well, if that's not a productive start to the day, I don't know what is. Of course, we'd have to exclude the fact that I have got no sleep and no shame!

I was also completely sincere when I wrote about not feeling good enough to write brilliant things. The book I'm currently reading is beautifully written and I can't help but awe in disbelief. It then made me feel bad and anxious about possibly the one thing that I know how to do better than anyone around: writing. I was pleasantly surprised when those phrases between the quotation marks sneaked into my thoughts and made me feel as though Gandalf or Aslan was giving me a piece of advice.

So long story short, I wanted to talk a little about... Motivation, I guess? We'll see where we end with this!

Before my anxious consciousness creeps up about it, let's get a topic covered. I'm by no means trying to say that I am the best at writing when I say this. It's just that writing has always been a strength for my part. When other kids in my class complained about story-completing exercises, I would fill up pages after pages. I was never good at communicating and interacting with people -still not- so I learnt to express myself through written words, instead of spoken. Consequently, when my coping skills were challenged by others, I immediately felt like a failure. I thought to myself if I can't be the best at this one thing either, what am I good at? 

But that is just wrong. 

Because I am good at writing. I know I love to write. It has been a huge part of me, how can I not? I shook my head out of a writer's block and had a moment of realization. (Let's hope it lasts though...) I had to stop comparing myself to others and to get started on actually doing stuff.

There are days when you feel out of control, when you're sad and down. It's okay to be sad, you can't expect yourself to be joyous at all times. And it's okay if it takes you more than a few days to recover.

This could refer to an artist's or writer's block, a reading slump, a mental health day... Regardless, you are not alone and you shouldn't feel bad about this. It happens and it's okay.

There are days when you look at what other people have accomplished and pity yourself even. Don't let the greatness that you see bring your spirit down. Don't let others' accomplishments make you feel small. Instead, be inspired by them. Look at their work and let the muse run through every bit of talent that you have. Appreciate them for making the world a brighter place. There is so much goodness around that Samwise Gamgee would love you to see.

My point is, you will never love what you do if you keep comparing yourself to others. Your art, your writing, even your body shape. Just be yourself, no matter what. Let people know and love you for who you are, not who you wish you could be. If they can't accept it, then they don't deserve to be at your side in the first place. You are enough and never forget that no one will be as good as you at being you. There is only one of you and you are doing perfectly fine.

Apologies for this mess of a post. I've been having a constant existential crisis and had to write something down. If you're going through a rough time and you've come across this by chance, I hope it's helped you in some way. That would make me the happiest!

Thanks for stopping by and I will see you next time!

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